Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
