Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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