I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
