I'm going to jail i love you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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