Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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