You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i need some magic done to my vagina
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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