so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
