I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
