I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
