I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
