she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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