you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
