dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
