I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
