You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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