im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
false alarm. still invincible.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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