would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
