It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
