Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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