and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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