Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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