Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dicks are not precious.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
