Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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