No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
