im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
