Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
