How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
