Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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