How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
