we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
