Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
