My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Watching her eat just hurts me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
