his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
