Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Rumble strips road head = magical
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
