At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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