now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
