just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
