i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
