I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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