Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He has the fingertips of a God
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