My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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