I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
