When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
