Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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