worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
