there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
