he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
