Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
