Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
