super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
