After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
