My friends, they love my intelligence
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
