Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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