Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
