You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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