OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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