So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cat gives me a boner
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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