Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He kissed a someone with a penis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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