I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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