I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
